We’ve all had that frustrating moment when we wished something was easy.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about fitness, finances, careers, business, kids, or our relationships.
“Why does it have to be so hard?!”
In these moments, we’re quick to think of someone that has it easy. We think to ourselves, “if I had this or that, it would be easy too!”.
(Some of us think it out loud…but I’m not judging).
Maybe they do have it easy. Maybe we just don’t know about all the work they’ve done.
I thought this way for years, and didn’t want to accept responsibility for anything that went wrong. This takes a toll on a person, and I can clearly remember the point in my life when I thought I was going to break.
My business was failing and I was losing thousands every month. My relationship with my wife was struggling, and I couldn’t find time for my kids when they needed me the most.
I felt like a failure in every aspect of my life. I was over 40, and I felt like I was supposed to have it all figured out by then. Everything I thought “being a man” was supposed to be. Well, I wasn’t that.
Let those uplifting thoughts bounce around between your ears too long and it all starts to go wrong.
Why couldn’t it be easier?
Of course it wasn’t my fault. Nope. I blamed everyone around me.
Employees. Customers. Vendors. Even my wife and kids.
I’m not proud of who I was at that time, and it still bothers me when I think about it. (I had to walk away for a few minutes when writing this).
In a last ditch effort to try and save it all, I reached out to a business coach. On a phone call with this coach, I laid out my situation and waited for his earth shattering advice.
The missing piece to my puzzle that would make it all better.
“Your business and relationships are one big dumpster fire, and all you’re doing is showing up every day with more gasoline. Grow the F up because nobody is coming to save you. Everything is your fault.
Are you ready to get to work?”
Well, HELL no I wasn’t ready to get to work! What kind of advice was that?!
To say that I was pissed off and hurt would be an understatement. I had actually taken that call behind my business, and was standing beside the dumpster. The “dumpster fire” comment really struck a nerve.
I didn’t hire that coach (hired another), but I never forgot those words and how I felt. This forced me to take the good hard look in the mirror I had long been avoiding.
That was the moment when everything changed. When I decided to take full responsibility. Everything was my fault.
And it was hard. Really hard. When you’re used to casting blame every time things go wrong, this is an incredibly difficult adjustment.
Things still go wrong, and they likely always will. I’d like to believe that I handle my obstacles much better now. Not perfect…but definitely better.
Ironically, once I took responsibility and stopped being the winner of the blame game, I realized that the help I needed was always there. I’m incredibly fortunate for the incredible people who stuck by me when things were bad and I was worse.
This change in my approach resulted in significant improvements in every area of my life. Happy but never content, I know it’s my responsibility to keep improving.
And, step by step, day by day, week by week…I continue to work on my business, my fitness, and most importantly my family.
Looking back, I realize how stressful it was deflecting responsibility like bullets off Superman. When your approach is “everything is my fault”, this actually helps to relieve stress.
You take ownership and recognize in that moment that you are in control and you aren’t powerless.
And then you can start to change.
Nothing worth having is easy.
You don’t want it to be easy.
